Divorce

Most Americans today get a divorce because of their unhappy marriages. Many reasons why married couples get a divorce. One of the reasons is due to not knowing how to be good parents because of how they were raised. Another is having irreconcilable differences that play a major rule for divorce in marriages. Divorces can impact children when their parents separate. There are financial burdens when ending a marriage. Who do the children usually live with after the divorce, and which parent might be best to live with.

Adult children who are parents and married with children that have experienced divorce in their family growing up are more likely to follow in their parent’s footsteps. These parents with young children can have trouble making decisions or solving problems well together because of their different points of views. For example, how parents discipline their children differently instead of working together to punishment their children. They have also witness their parents causing contentions in trying to solve difficult problems the incorrect way. The married couple may not know how to be good parents from seeing their parent’s examples.

There can be irreconcilable differences between the two parents and things that cause them to end the marriage. Parents have different perspectives in disciplining their children. For example, there are inconsistencies where one parent doesn’t follow through with punishment. Another variation is when parents each handle the money differently. One could spend money on their things for their hobbies instead of paying for house bills, clothes, and other expenses that are top priority for the family. Also, they have incompatible careers where one parent works more at nights while the other one travels more for work. In addition, death of a child who is chronically ill which can be very stressful on the marriage. Parents grieving could cloud their judgments of communication and blame each other for the loss. It’s important that they get counsel if they are having a hard time working it out on their own. With all the inconsistencies could lead the couple to a divorce.

There are many outcomes that effect children in divorce families. One may be children believing they don’t deserve to have their parents stay together. Children can be stressing emotionally, socially, and physically in unhealthy ways. These children are less likely to graduate high school and attend college then children whose parents have successful marriages. They could marry someone out of wedlock and not have a successful marriage. In addition, the roles of the children in the family could change when there is only one parent in the household. No matter what age the children are and their parents get a divorce it can still affect them.

When parents get a divorce, it does not come cheap for both of them and for their children. Parents now have to own their separate homes and be financially independent. Moreover, children have to travel back and forth between the two homes. There has to be more things added in the homes for the children. Typically, children have less access to spend time with both parents because the father is working while the mother is going back to college.

The children usually live with their mother because the courts request the fathers to earn more money than he is already making. He may even move conveniently away from the ex-wifes’s house to receive a better paying job. The father has full responsibility to pay for child support. The children get more attention from the parent that they live with. If a parent speaks badly about the other spouse, children will perceive this negative view about their other parent. This will lead them to think I don’t want to see mom/dad anymore. It easier if the father doesn’t come to visit because of so much tension between the two parents. The father may want to be a “Disneyland dad” and not make his children do chores while they are visiting because he wants to be the fun parent.

   

Parenting

Parenting is important because parents can prepare and protect their children with the knowledge to know how to survive in this world. They shouldn’t use punishment and rewards to control their children. Children can rebel if parents push them over the edge. Natural consequences can be negative or a positive outcomes as children develop. Parent should teach their children about responsibility and respect them for their decisions they make.

Some parents use punishments and rewards to manipulate their children to get them to do what they want. The more the parents try to over-control their children, it won’t be as likely that they will have an influence on their children. Sometimes parents who feel like they failed as a parent when their children were younger try to make up for it by giving them gifts, money, and other things. It’s very disrespectful for parents to use awards to make their children feel better or to ease their guilt of what they did to their children. For example, a parent shouldn’t be buying them something as an apology. This shows the child that the parents don’t care about their feelings.

Children will rebel if their parents humiliate or mock them in public. Parents shouldn’t make all the decisions for their children if they are old enough to make their own choices. It will not teach the children to resolve their problems and they won’t get to learn how to handle the solution the correct way. If the parents are harsh while teaching their children a lesson, it won’t work because the children will feel inferior to their parents. The children will also be afraid to know what to say or do without disappointing their parents. When parents put lots of pressure on their children to do what they want them to do, the children sometimes stop listening and obeying them. This shows a lack of trust with the parent and the children won’t feel comfortable telling their parents anything. Children will also lose the ability to make decisions on their own because they didn’t get an opportunity to practice making choices for themselves.

Children will have many opportunities to make decisions for themselves and learn from their mistakes. It’s important for parents to make sure their children are not doing dangerous things to put their lives at risk. Parents can’t always rescue their children when they are struggling, and it can be difficult for the parents to see them suffer. The parents can provide support and convey confidence in their children. Sometimes, parents should not ever allow to their children to make extreme choices for themselves that can affect them in the long run. For example, parents allowing the child to stop going to school because he doesn’t like his classes.

Overall, parents can encourage their children in what they are doing well. They can respect the children’s decisions, even if the disagree themselves. Parents can express their appreciation as they see who their children become. This will help their children learn to take responsibility for their actions and will help them know of how to be successful. 

Family Finances

Financial planning is important for families. A well thought out plan for family expenses can benefit them by preparing for the future, saving money wisely, and using a budget chart.  Financial consultants can help families manage their money.

Families can prepare for the future by making sure they make their payments on time. If they don’t pay their bills they will keep piling up, and the interest rates on credit cards go up around 15 % (or somewhere close to that). This means groceries that were once hundred dollars are going to be worth one hundred thirty-dollars in two years.

Therefore, the families should save their money wisely. The parents can teach their children about saving money. Children can learn to work, feel responsible, and be appreciated for their hard work. The families can learn how to prioritize what is more important, and what is not. If families are in debt, some things that aren’t necessary should be given up. For example, they could get rid of their cable to pay utility bills.

Families should use a budget chart to keep track of their expenses. The budget chart lets them decide how much money they can use per month. This allows them to be free from the risk of credit card debt. Families can feel less stress having control over the money. The parents can look forward to their retirement fund and know how much money they need to put away.  Families should consider preparing for unexpected emergency events.

Finally, families should be careful in selecting financial consultants. These consultants help individuals with their financial plans in retirement, insurance, savings, and investments. If families don’t understand how to manage their money very well, they can ask a financial consultant for help.

Families can prepare for a better financial future by saving money wisely, using a budget chart, and by asking financial consultants for help. If they do this, they can feel more secure as they stay on top of paying bills. 

Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

Communication is one of the important skills we use to interact with each other. There can be times where someone may have trouble encoding their feelings or ideas to another person. Some may use nonverbal communication, which is body language, to interact with someone and hope the other person decodes the message. A person can decode what the messenger puts together for the intended idea, but sometimes people struggle to interpret each other’s communications.

When spouses talk to each other about how they are feeling or if they have problems, they may have a difficult time expressing what is bothering them because they are afraid of what the other person says. It is better if a husband and wife ask in the moment how each other feels. This can help decode the messages they are trying to send. If they wait, they will suppress the emotions. If you don’t tell the person how you feel, anger will keep building up. Communication is hard because no one wants to hurt the other person’s feelings by saying the wrong thing. If spouses can work together and help one another communicate this can make a significant difference in their relationship.

Single people that have problems with their roommates may have a difficult time communicating with them because of not knowing how to express their feelings very well. Their roommates may not understand why and resent them instead of showing sympathy and helping them interpret the message they’re trying to send. Some will be reluctant to use words because they want the other person to try to decipher the message.

It’s hard to communicate sometimes, but good things can happen if you tell them how you feel. The comfort level will go up, and you will trust them more. They will respect you as a person. There will be less conflict with each other. If you are good at communicating, you can succeed in your marriage, your job, and with your co-workers, friends, family, and roommates.

Family Stress and Coping

When families go through a stressful and hard times, it’s important for them to get all the help they need. In some cases, parents lose a child, a sibling rapes a younger sibling, a father is an alcoholic, a family loses a job, or a parent gambles all the families’ life savings away.  These kinds of things put stress on the family. Depending on the situation, not all families make it through crises very well. 

Things are not the same as they once were and may lead up to divorce.

If a family loses a parent from a medical condition, accident or an illness, it can be a painful time for them. There are ways they can deal with their crisis. They can be around extended family more and pray together. Everyone needs to be supportive with each other, and religious community members can help as well. In some cases people need to go to a family counselor to see a grief therapist. This type of therapist can help them resolve the problem and suggest ways of getting through it together.

Another kind of crisis is a change in family dynamics. For example, a mother may have to preside over the household or a father may run the home while the mother is deployed in Iraq. Divorce is also a significant change in family dynamics. Transitions can be a challenge for the children and parents.

Not everyone will have the same family crisis, and they may handle things differently. The family will need to be flexible and more responsible in helping each other out.  

Sexual Intimacy and Family

Spouses sometimes turn to opposite gender friends to discuss their marriage problems. This is not good idea because they can development strong feelings and emotions toward them. Spouses commit infidelity because they are not satisfied in their own marriage. Spouses who engage in sex outside of marriage are not only risking themselves to get expose to STD s but their spouse as well.

To prevent marital infidelity it’s important to set marriage boundaries. Both spouses need to discuss marital problems with each other and work them out at their home. They should hold firm to their marital vows. They should be on guard at all times and be loyal to each other. They should always put each other first before anyone else besides the Lord.

When parents have children that become teenagers, they should be involved their teenager’s life. It is important that the parents teach their children when they are learning about sex education. The parents should answer the children’s questions when they don’t know about sex. The parents can do this by explaining the how’s and why’s to help prevent them from committing sexual intimacy before they are married.  

No spouses should ever commit infidelity. If they are having problems in their marriage they should work them out with each other. This can form a stronger bond in the relationship. They can also pray to the Lord for guidance. Parents should teach their teenagers about early romantic relationships. If the children see how their parents are solving problems in the marriage, the children can learn from them and be prepared for when they get married. 

Early Marriage Adjustments

Newlyweds adjusting to live with each other in the first year of marriage may run into some difficulties. Both husband and wife may do things different in the household. They both learned different things as they were raised by their parents. For example, looking through the husband’s private mail without his consent or the husband doing the wife’s laundry. It’s important for the married couple to discuss the boundaries so they are on the same page. They shouldn’t share certain things about their spouses to their friends, like how they fight together when raising their first child. This violates each other personal matters and affairs. The couple should compromise and settle their differences so there is no conflict. The husband and wife should divide chores between each other. This way the wife or husband won’t feel like she is doing all the work. The married couple should not tell friends and family about their fights. It’s between them to resolve the issue.

Parents of the newlyweds should have no stewardship over their children when they are adults. The parents don’t need to get involved in their children’s relationship with their spouse. If the child needs help they can ask for advice, but there should be no involvement or getting in between the problems the children have without being asked. This can lead to mistrust in the newlyweds relationship.  

Marriage Preparation

Advice for Marriage Preparation

After reading excerpts from the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk, I will give you advice on preparing for marriage.

There are many factors to consider while preparing for marriage. For those who are searching for someone to marry, be careful who you choose. You don’t want to be married to someone who is a jerk of a husband or wife. He or she will not treat you equally. Don’t just let the outward appearance deceive you. You need to know how he or she treats someone. Make sure they meet your personal needs, but also contribute to the relationship. Don’t ever change your personality to match with theirs. Just be who you are.

Getting To Know Each Other

Don’t be in a rush to get to know someone. It takes time. Date someone who is friendly to you and treats others with respect. See how your partner acts and treats you in various situations. Develop a deeper openness and have a variety of experiences with them. It’s always best to date in person rather than online because you won’t actually see their emotions and don’t know what they will do if one day when you’re with them. They could be cat-fishing you and pretending to be someone else. You should make sure to go on a secure dating website because there are crazy people out there who steal other people’s identity. After around a three month period is when you should go into depth when sharing things about yourself. Of course you need to be able to trust them.

Consider some of these questions when you are dating someone: Do they have similar interests? Are their energy levels comparable? Do they build good memories with you? How do they handle frustrations, stresses, and obstacles?

Anger and Frustration

Emotions can come out explosively while becoming critical and insulting to you. It’s wrong for a partner to express ownership over you. Just because you have some strong connection or attachment with them or you feel safe with them won’t make up for other negative things about them. If they threaten to leave you or end the relationship it’s probably a sign. You need to be with someone who treats you better and nicer. In the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk the author says “Good-hearted people have the greatest risk for staying in a relationship with a jerk.” Those of you who are struggling with these kinds of relationships should watch out for repeated cycles of verbal, mental, and physical abuse. It’s okay for you to forgive them, but if they continuously take advantage of these situations, something needs to change.    

In Conclusion

In preparing for marriage, search for a companion who treats you well. Be in a healthy relationship. When getting to know them, make sure your personalities are compatible, make sure you go to a secure dating website, and be aware of explosive personalities. Don’t rush to get married. Take your time. It’s worth it in the end to find the right person for you. 

Gender Roles

There are natural roles that come with each gender role. During the 1800s, a man had to provide for his family while a woman stayed home and took care of the household chores and the children. World War II changed the roles. Women had to go to work while their husbands fought in the War, which led women to become more independent and to work in other professions. Today, women in America have the right to work in the same professions as men do. They can provide for a family or choose to be a stay home mother. Men can work from home and be a stay home father if they choose. Just because there are traditional gender roles doesn’t mean every family has to live that way. Each family needs to respect other family dynamics and choices even if they are different from theirs. Gender roles are passed on from generation to generation. If a mother works outside the home, their daughters may be more likely to work as well.

Some family situations involve a mother taking over the providing role due to the father having a tragic accident or disability where they can’t work anymore.

In the Mormon Church, we believe that the Father provides, protects and presides over the family. The Mothers are the primary caretakers. Sometimes in the church families judge other families if they don’t meet the traditional family standards. It’s not their place to judge because no one is perfect. The parents are “obligated to help one another as equal partners.” Families in the church complement each other to help make the family work together.

I believe that there should be gender roles, but that they won’t always be the same. Everyone has different circumstances like divorces, death, and tragic accidents.

I believe families should find gender roles that work for them and that they shouldn’t worry about what the world or other people think about them.

Family Dynamics in Mexican Immigrants

Once the husbands immigrant to America, they leave the family behind, and the family dynamics change. Some mothers have to work full time which they earn less money and have to ask their relatives to take care of their children. Mothers have to take over the father's role by punishing and correcting their children more. Due to the changes in the family dynamics there is more stress in the marriage relationship and divorce can happen. One of the reasons why Mexican families move to America is to provide a better education for their children. The children who come to America that used to have an open communication with their family have to deal with being the middle person in translating. Parents should learn a second language to receive better jobs and not put their burden on the children to be the middle man translator.

Reflection on "Demographic Winter" Video

After watching the "Demographic Winter" Video, I want to show people what its like having children and how they make the world a happier and better place. Its okay for future parents to worry about the hardships, a lot of responsibility, and expenses that come with having children. Don't let these things stop you from having children. Future wives should counsel their husbands to not get distracted from playing video games in marriage and family. Married families are good for the economy. Parents can teach their children about managing money for their future families. Parents can teach them to save money for their goals like buying toys.

Let's get it started!

Hello Everyone! My name is Amberlea Kay and I am majoring in Child Development at BYU- Idaho. I am from Lacey, Washington. This is my first blog that I am doing for one of my classes called Family Relations. I will be recording my thoughts of what I believe and hopefully you will enjoy the things I say! Til Next Time...

Amberlea